After a long night of super high blood sugars (bg) and getting barely any sleep - I feel like I got run over by a bus on fire and and then again. It's difficult on these morning not to be completely cranky and take it out on your loved ones, especially if they are being loud right when you finally get to go to sleep. Then some family members might tell you that you need to get up and start your day (even though you literally got maybe an hour of sleep ) or even say that you're being pathetic and lazy, and that can be frustrating! However, it's important to remember that it's not their fault ; they can't possibly understand what your body goes through with being extremely high to low to high all within a couple hours. And because of this, they don't know what you need - this is why it's so important to communicate what you exactly need from them during these situations.
I was frustrated with my parents because I thought they understood, but there was a miscommunication. It wasn't until my bf called me and said everything that I needed and wanted to hear: " Hi honey, I was just checking on you. I know you had a very long and difficult night with highs and I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry, I love you and I'm here for you." He knew what to say since we had a talk recently about what would be the most helpful for me when I'm going through BG issues that are hard for him to understand how I feel.
That being said, communication and honesty are important especially before situations like this since it's hard to have a conversation when you're running on little sleep and the yelling just makes your BG higher!
You might ask how to communicate your needs with you loved ones....
When I think about interpersonal communication, I automatically think about the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Interpersonal Effectiveness skill- "Dearman."
“DEAR” reminds us of WHAT to say….
Describe- Describe the situation by only using concrete terms and facts. By describing the situation factually, you are making sure they fully understand the circumstances that are leading you to this request and conversation.
Express- Use “I” Statements. These are statements that allow you to take accountability about how you feel and prevents the other person from going into defense mode. "I" statements are important since they allow you to express how you are feeling about a situation, which in turn will help the other person understand where you are coming from.
I Feel (emotion), when (explain situation), because (explain why it’s important to you), I would like (explain what would be helpful) Can you do that/ Does that work? (this makes sure they are on the same page as you)
Assert- Be assertive about your needs. Don’t "beat around the bush," just say what you need clearly. No one can read your mind! Take away the uncertainty and explain your needs directly and clearly.
Reinforce- Reinforce why your desired outcome/explaining what you need, is a positive thing. This can be a simple thank you, a smile, or a hug.
“MAN” reminds us HOW to say it….
Mindful- Don’t get side-tracked into arguing and losing focus, remember the purpose of this conversation.
Appear- Regardless of how you feel on the inside, appear confident. Do this by changing your posture, tone, eye contact, and body language. This sends the message that this conversation is important to you.
Negotiate - Not everything can change after one conversation, be open to negotiation - even if that means starting with one of your needs. Example: I understand that I am asking a lot, can we try starting with when I tell you I had a bad BG night, can you give me a hug and try to let me sleep.
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By using "DEARMAN" it allows you to effectively communicate how your loved ones can help and support you during when your blood sugar is being a roller coaster and making you feel just horrible. Once again, sometimes it takes having this conversation more than once for your loved ones to fully understand and be able to support you how you fully want them to. So until then, keep calm and know that your loved ones love you and want to help, they just need a little guidance from you.
Stay strong- we got this!
**Information abbreviated from TherapistAid and Sunrisertc**